Just To Clarify...

So I'm not going to beat around the bush, as some of you have already heard about this and the rest should just hear it from him: Mark has left the BSN. He went home late on Easter night, and so I asked him to write something about it so I didn't have to run the risk of misrepresenting the situation.

Without further ado...

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In the past few months I had been gearing up to do the YWAM Madison BSN I do feel that I was led there and I know God had things to reveal to me in that time I was there. When I arrived I felt that something was wrong, I didn't just feel it I experienced it.

I felt as if I wasn't wholly there. I was afraid to admit to myself that I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be there anymore. So I began to seek God and find what else he had for me, he pointed back home and at this point I came to a cross roads.

On looking back home I saw my relationship with my girlfriend, a relationship I believe has been set by the Lord. I saw my current situation in the BSN not as a danger to my relationship but more as a hindrance. God gave us each other to peruse Him more powerfully and to minister to those around us in a more complete picture of who Christ is.

I believe I didn't feel complete because although I can grow in Christ alone I also had the opportunity to grow together. Put extremely simply it was up to me what I would do with God. Grow with Him in the BSN and get everything he had for me there or return and nurture my relationship with my future wife. He wanted me to prioritize and fully follow whichever path I chose, both with trials and rewards. So I chose togetherness over self-development.

I think all too often we as Christians seek for some sort of voice from heaven to tell us exactly what to do next and although there’s nothing exactly wrong with that it can breed uncertainty and it’s easier to worship the plan rather than the planner. I think Christ gives us free range to pursue things we love and he blesses our actions and our boldness.

Even if we make the wrong choice Christ doesn't abandon us. Even when Adam and Eve sinned Christ did not immediately destroy them, he picked them up, clothed them, blessed them with children, and long life. As I had said before Christ had things to show me at the BSN, and to be completely honest I don’t know if I did the right thing or not. However, I am confident in the goodness of Christ, and I just have to trust that in my efforts to follow His will He will continue to reveal Himself to me and bless me with a deeper understanding of His word.

I am also genuinely sorry for any confusion about what I’m doing. I’m acutely aware that I do not live in a vacuum and whatever I do will affect others. I pray that any trust that has been broken down in me or Christ can be rebuilt over time. Thank you all so much for the support and prayers in this confusing time.

- Mark